Not up to the Hype

While I was still working for the phone company a co-worker told me about an amazing theme bar. It sounded completely fantastical. It was a spy themed speak-ease joint that had a ton of gadgets, secrets, and atmosphere. That was maybe five years ago and I since then I always wanted to go. When I heard some of my co-workers would be working in Milwaukee I told them they had to find the place. They went there and reported back that it was pretty cool. So when I got a project I really wanted to go to this place. Of course I didn’t want to go alone and with the project as busy as it was I just didn’t get a chance to go for the longest time. So I was actually pretty excited about going when I found out one of our team dinners would be at the Safe House. It was cool, but certainly not up to the hype I had heard.

The Good: If you have ever been a fan of either the 60’s kitsch TV show called Get Smart or a big fan of the Bond movies from this era you would certainly get the theme. The first thing that you notice or actually have to find out is that the bar is actually hidden. If you know the address you can find it but it has no sign or indication you are at the right place. In fact to get in you must know a pass phrase or they make you some embarrassing challenge to get in. In my case it was to act like I was riding a horse and roping cows, my project manager had to act like a bull in a bull fight. People all in the bar are watching on a close circuit TV btw. The entry is strange, there is a person sitting at an only phone operator’s desk and there is a wall with a fireplace, but no doors other than the one you come in through are visible. After you perform you task the fireplace actually slides back and reveals a walk way. Another wall opens in the walk way and now you are in the bar.

The bar is full of gadgets. You push buttons on the wall and secret messages are revealed. There is an ejector seat from the basement to the main floor. There is a back way out operated by punching a code into a public phone, there are secret routes from one side of the bar to the other, and the general decor is a pseudo-European post war bar. Thought it also is decorated with a lot of spy movie posters and munitions as well. Another fun thing about the bar is the bath room. Over a speaker in the men’s room they play a looped police scanner and have funny signs on the stall doors. I was also told that in the women’s bathroom one of the stalls has a naked male mannequin reading a newspaper (I didn’t check this out for myself!). The bar tenders are fun as well. One mixes martinis, put the drinks in a ball, and shoots them through a pneumatic tube that circles the whole bar. The ball has lights in it so you can see the drinks circling around. When they finally return to the bar they are very well stirred or mixed so when they are poured into the glass they are ready to drink. Finally the second bar in the back room is manned by a decent magician so you can drink while watching countless card trips. So there is a lot of fun to be had in the bar.

Also the drinks are cheap so that is always good. Plus you get a souvenir glass with most of the mixed drinks.

The Bad: The bar is well past its prime. The bar was established in 1966 and the interior has not been updated since. Therefore it is a bit one dimensional. Also it is not the trendy place, so the clientele is either out of towners (like myself) or people who usually don’t go out much and only came here because they had out of town company. There was not enough wait staff when we went so it was slow and the service sucked. Beyond that the menu was very sparse so it really isn’t worth going there to eat. Drink yes, eat no. Finally it just doesn’t live up to the hype. Possibly if the service was better, it had a better menu, the decor was updated – at least slightly, and you had a better crowd it still wouldn’t be the best place in town to go to in Milwaukee. Nor would it really be in the top 5.

Recommendation: If you go, and if you are in Milwaukee it is an interesting place to stop in, go later for drinks. Make it your 2^nd, 3^rd, or 4^th stop of the night. Go to a nice place for dinner. Then have a bunch of drinks and wander around the Safe House have some fun. Then move on after an hour or two to a good bar like Tangerine, Cubana, Bar Louis, or Elsa’s on the park.